Online Dating After 50
When it comes to dating after 50, it helps to know the “rules of the game” before you start to play. So, here are a few tips to get you started. Online Dating – Not Just a Young Person’s Game Anymore. Online dating is often thought of as a young person’s game, but the fastest growing age group in online dating is people over age 50. Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. It means making good choices. Ask a friend, preferably a woman, to accompany you. Consider getting a manicure and pedicure. Plan to spend a day — yes, guys, one entire day — and one to two weeks' income on your makeover. Keep condoms handy. One pleasant surprise about dating after 50 is less groveling for sex. Dating after 50 may come with some challenges, but it also comes with great advantages. The trick to enjoying a splendid love life after 50 is to be positive but also realistic. You want to avoid making dating mistakes, refrain from dwelling on romantic mishaps, and instead, focus on making the most of the perks. Dating after 50 is no different to dating at any other age, because the principles of it remain the same. After all, the whole idea of dating is to get to know the woman you’re attracted to and to figure out whether she is someone that you’re interested in being in a relationship with.
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We’re breaking free from the excuses for good. Check out three misconceptions about dating after 40 and step back into the scene with a confident heart.
After being out of the dating game for 15 years, I found myself single at 45. Once I got over the shock and awe of being back in the dating pool, I talked to friends about what it was like to date online.
Oh, the stories I heard.
A few people had beautiful anecdotes to share about finding their soulmate online. My twin sister ended up marrying the first man she went on a date with and they are so blindingly happy that sometimes it hurts to look at them.
More often, though, there were tales of extraordinarily dehumanizing behavior that were heartbreaking to hear. One of my friends found who she thought was her perfect man, only to discover six months later that he lied about his name and age, and was married to a woman who was about to have his child.
Another friend told me half of the men she chatted with would eventually ask her to send them naked photos or Skype in the nude.
This was a little disheartening to hear.
The really interesting thing about all of these narratives is they came from people who consider themselves to be conscious singles. Many of them used niche dating sites for people who are green, spiritual, or want to experience relationships on a deeper level.
It was a bit of a shocker to me that there would be such an abundance of bad behavior on these types of dating sites. My friends unanimously chalked it up to one thing: all the good ones our age are already taken.
I decided to take the plunge anyway and—three years later—I completely disagree with them. The majority of my experiences with online dating have been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve only had a handful of negative experiences and, in all honestly, I kind of saw them coming but chose to ignore the warning signs.
My reasons for ignoring those signs were generally superficial. In one situation I thought to myself, “Well, this guy may be a little crazy, but he is a dead ringer for John Cusack.” Big error in judgment on my part.
I’ve met some really fantastic men, and I feel blessed to have made a few long term friends out of it. I haven’t found “The One” yet, but in all honesty, I haven’t been looking very hard.
So why have so many of my friends had such a different experience than I have? We are all over 40, relatively attractive, and honest in our profiles. What’s going on here?
I think we attract our expectations.
When I decided to date online, I did so with intention. I didn’t go into it looking for any specific “type,” but I did have a clear cut idea of what I wanted. I intended to attract men who were kind, interesting, genuinely liked and respected women, and were honest. That’s all I asked for—and that’s what I got.
I also decided not to buy into the myths and stereotypes about dating over 40, and I’m grateful I did. My experience debunked quite a few of them.
Here are a few beliefs that might be keeping you from a good online dating experience.
All the good ones my age are taken.
I’ve heard this from both men and women. There’s a stereotype that women are jaded, bitter, and angry at our age, and that men only want one thing. Both generalizations are untrue.
There are over 20 million men and women in the U.S. who date online. Please don’t tell me that there aren’t any good ones out there. I’ve met quite a few of them locally. There are plenty of beautiful people out there looking for love.
This is simply perception. If you assume this is what you are going to get, it’s exactly what you are going to get. What you focus on is what you receive. If you meet someone who just got divorced and is only looking for a good time, don’t get upset or offended. Wish him luck, send him on his way, and keep a clear intention that you’re looking for something else.
The dating pool is thin after 40.
Guess what, folks? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 50% of the population over 40 is single with 49% female and 51% male. It’s less likely that the dating pool is thin due to a lack of single people, and more likely that people stop dating because of the discouraging (albeit false) statistics that there’s no one to date.
My list of “must haves” is non-negotiable. Anything less is settling.
When discussing this with my friends, their “must have” lists have quite a few superficial qualities on them. They require their dates have certain body types, incomes, hair colors and lengths, and careers.
The friend who keeps finding men who want naked pictures of her is the biggest culprit with this. At least half of the qualities that are important to her are physical. When I pointed this out, she was a bit surprised that she’d put so much focus on the external. No wonder she keeps attracting men who are the same way!
My best relationship was with someone who wasn’t even close to my “type.” My worst? Someone who was exactly what I thought I was looking for.
Instead, hold the intention that the Universe bring people into your life who will support your growth and happiness, and that they show up for the best and highest good. Isn’t that really all you need?
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By Glenn Baja
Feeling lonely, isolated, and forlorn in the middle of a cold January night, I was on the computer when an ad popped up on my screen advertising a dating site. I’d seen them time and time again, always ignoring and viewing them as obnoxious intrusions into my life, but this time was different. Out of curiosity, for I had never checked one out in the past, I clicked on it. Hours or days later –– I cannot remember which –– I had finally put some pictures together, a bio, my “stats,” and signed up for a 1 month subscription. I had officially started my foray into the world of online dating after 50, at the ripe age of 59.
Your profile is the first thing people see on a dating site, and to be honest, most readers will only take a few moments to look-over and determine if you’re a potential candidate or not. That puts a lot of pressure on people to make their profiles appealing, especially for those who are trying online dating for the first time. It’s understandable then, that almost one-fourth of first time online daters ask someone to give them a hand with this part of the process, especially in choosing photos and tweaking some of the language.
One of the first questions was what age was I interested in. Well…I had to think about that. I’d seen a number of men my age in the past walking around with beautiful “arm-candy.” You know, those “bombshells” that are half their age, gorgeous, and flat-bellied…the kind men fantasize about when they’re married. It all seemed like such a no-brainer! But the thought of dealing with a “youngster,” and all the baggage that might come with it, just didn’t seem appealing.
Maybe I was just showing my age, or perhaps this thing called “wisdom” had finally caught up with me, but the days of trolling around, strutting my ego, and showing fake interest in things I really didn’t give a damn about just didn’t seem appealing. Did I really want someone half my age?
I already knew the answer to that question. What I really wanted was to find a partner closer to my age that I could relate to, have fun with, and had similar interest.
Does It Work?
Is online dating worth the effort? Can it really result in more than just a quick “hook-up” or manipulative women looking for an easy ticket to riches and comfort? Are most men just looking for someone to take care of them as they get older? These are all legitimate concerns, and you always run the risk of coming across these type of situations, but statistically the numbers say otherwise.
Once considered unthinkable, online dating is booming and is a multibillion dollar business that is continuing to grow. Over half, 53%, of single people have created a dating profile according to Match’s recent Singles in America study which polled over 5,000 single individuals. While it’s true that the majority of online daters are young, between 15-20% of people 50 and above have tried online dating, and the numbers are growing.
A lot of great “love stories” begin online. Of the 10,000 subscribers surveyed by Consumer Reports, 44%, of those said it led to a serious long-term relationship or marriage while only 25% of these same respondents met a first date through friends.
Other survey results also confirm the success of online dating. In 2015 the Pew Research Center found over half of men and women believe online dating is a great venue for meeting people. Of those who dated, 66% of them went out with someone whom they were matched with. The ability to choose from, and cater the process to your wants, makes for a system that generally presents pretty good odds of finding and meeting someone that you may click with.
Lastly, the Statistical Brain Research Institute also concludes that if a serious relationship is what you’re looking for, online dating is the way to go. Their results show that 17% of couples who married within the last year met on a dating website. With online dating you get very specific about your wants and needs, and that makes it quick and easy to find that special someone who you can meld with.
Dating Profiles
Picking an age category you’re interested in is just one of the many dating profile decisions you will need to make. Other criteria like income, education level, body preference, ethnicity, location, children at home, smoking and drinking habits is also addressed. Divulging personal information, such as your income, can be avoided if you prefer not to answer.
Most people tend to attribute more importance to a few certain characteristics than others. For some, it may be money and security while others prefer looks. Others may be biased by body type or level of education, while many just want to find someone to do fun stuff with like hiking, traveling, or dancing. Some are just tired of being lonely, want some company and companionship, and are hoping that the love they desire is out there somewhere.
Statistically, what is most Important? According to the Statistical Brain Research Institute, almost two-thirds of people (64%) who use online dating say the number one thing they’re looking for in a date or partner is common interests, while less than half (49%) say physical characteristics are most important.
One thing that takes some time is listing the kind of person you believe yourself to be. What type of activities do you like to do? What type of qualities are you looking for in a partner? It makes you think, perhaps for the first time in a long time, as to what you really want for yourself. It makes you to take a deep look within and ask yourself some tough questions. It’s a powerful process, but only if you’re totally honest with yourself. If not, it’s easy to see through the shallowness of the words.
As with so many things in life, the effort, energy, and intention you put into something equates to what you get back.
Are you looking for a serious relationship or only interested in casual dating? You can easily let others know exactly where you’re at in life. Just coming off of a divorce? People who have been divorced or single for a while seem to be more “seasoned” online daters than others. They can usually tell within a matter of moments whether or not the profile in front of them holds any interest or not.
Things To Watch For
Probably the biggest issue to be concerned with is the fact that more than half of the people lie on their dating profiles. While we all wish to put our best foot forwards, many of us believe the “truth” about ourselves just isn’t good enough. Research shows that 20% of women will use photos from when they were younger, while 40% of men will lie about their jobs.
The fact is 10% of online daters quit after three months. While I think online dating is one of the best things since sliced bread, it can be a frustrating experience for some — especially if they’ve been doing it for weeks, months, or even years without finding success. In fact, as reported by the Statistic Brain Research Institute, one out of every 10 online daters gives up after 90 days.
Over half (59%) of people think online dating is a fantastic way to meet others, but there are some skeptics. According to a Pew poll, 23% think those who date online are desperate. I disagree. However, that number has gone down a good bit. In 2005, it was 29%, so more people are starting to look at online dating in a positive light.
There’s also is a learning curve to online dating. Once I was set up and searching through the vast numbers of profiles online, I found myself immersed in looking at women from all parts of the country. Oregon, North Carolina, Texas…far from my haunts in Michigan. While many of the bios were very interesting, I realized I needed to bring my search closer to home. One can only go so far with words and telephone calls before you have meet in person. So I had to refine my search to an area closer to where I live, despite the temptation to find “love” in a seeming exotic location hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away.
Even with this narrowing, the number of profiles to peruse though is overwhelming. My suggestion? Get very specific…right away. Go for the age you’re looking for, give or take a couple of years, the body type and looks that interest you, the education level you want, and any other “exacts.” You’ll save yourself a lot of time on the computer, and hopefully “zero in” quicker on the person that closely matches you.
The odds of people looking only for a short-term hookup also exist. Statistic Brain found 33% of women have sex on their first online dating experience. It’s no secret that there’s plenty of people online who want nothing more than to meet someone to have sex with. There’s no shame in that, and it’s why controversial sites like BeNaughty exist. Online dating has allowed people to be upfront about their desires and has given them a way to connect with those who are like-minded.
Be aware that online dating can be very time consuming. Between researching and screening profiles, reaching out to people, writing, and taking the time to learn who someone is prior to meeting them takes a lot of time. The writing eventually leads to telephone calls. Frankly, I typed on the computer and talked on the telephone more than I ever wanted. Once, I drove 2 hours away to meet someone at a designated mid-point for lunch, only to know within moments that it wasn’t going to work out. Sometimes the initial correspondence goes nowhere real fast. One said “no way!” when she learned I’d been divorced for less than a year…her minimum before taking a chance on a guy.
Another challenge you may encounter is the task of keeping people straight…not getting names, facts, and backgrounds mixed up. Initially, you reach out to a lot of people. More than once I asked about something that pertained to someone else, a good example being when I mixed up who I thought was a teacher with a person who had not gone to college and was temporarily unemployed. It can be very embarrassing if your not careful about keeping your names, faces, and facts straight.
My suggestion? Take notes!
Dating & Niche Dating Sites
The Online Dating Industry’s Annual Revenue of $1.8 Billion per year is robust and predicted to continue growing. Statistically, the typical online dating customer spends about $243 annually. That comes out to only $20 a month, so from a financial standpoint, online dating is a very affordable way to meet people.
The number of sites can be overwhelming. Just about any niche you may be looking for exist. According to Online Dating Magazine, there are more than 7,500 online dating websites — over 2,500 in the United States and 5,000 world-wide. Of course, you have your Match.coms and your eHarmonys out there, but there’s also sites for clowns, Trekkies, and even sea captains.
The sky’s the limit!
Good for all ages:
zoosk.com (favored for matching compatible singles based on a user’s on-site activity; it is fun and flirty and caters to more of a millennial crowd.)
match.com (best for all kinds of daters; it’s the most popular site with 23.5 million users)
blackpeoplemeet.com (meet other black singles in your area)
eharmony.com (for those looking to get hitched; of all US marriages, eHarmony is responsible for 4% of them)
Free, or mostly free, sites:
okcupid.com (best for the opinionated; it ask lots of questions of a person; good for liberal women)
tinder.com (hook-ups are common, but most users are looking for relationships)
plentyoffish.com (the best, mostly-free, site)
For the rich:
millionairematch.com (the first, most effective and largest site in the world to connect with, date, marry successful, beautiful people; Its members include CEOs, pro athletes, doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs, beauty queens, fitness models, and Hollywood celebrities, just to name a few)
sugardaddymeet.com (a high quality sugar daddy dating site for sugar daddies and sugar babies; it features about 25% sugar daddies and 75% sugar babies)
For the over 50 age group (normal sites)
seniorpeoplemeet.com (finding others your own age for love)
ourtime.com (best for mature dating)
silversingles.com (best for singles over 50)
seniormatch.com (#1 senior dating site for singles over 50)
olderwomendating.com (premier dating service for older women)
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Specialized Dating Sites:
elitesingles.com (best for educated professionals)
bicupid.com (world’s largest and most effective bisexual, bi-curious, and bi-couple dating site)
Online Dating After 50
largefriends.com (dating site for curvy singles and admirers)
interracialmatch.com (for interracial relationships)
richwomen.org (rich women looking for men)
richwomenlookingformen.org (rich women looking for men; older men or younger men)
fitness-singles.com (largest site for fitness dates and exercise friends)
runningsingles.com (for long-distance runners)
Dating After 50 For Women
meetmindful.com (mindful living meets online dating)
consciousmatch.com (meet your conscious partner here)
yourtravelmates.com (find your travel buddy)
misstravel.com (never travel alone)
uniformdating.com (have a thing for a man in uniform? Are you a soldier, nurse or pilot?)
Very specialized sites:
hookup.com (Forget dinner and a movie. Get right to it!)
ashleymadison.com (expensive, infidelity dating site)
positivesingles.com (the largest confidential herpes and STD dating community site)
grindr.com (the wold’s largest social networking app for gay, trans, and queer people)
benaughty.com (fun dating with no waiting!)
Final Consensus
Overall, I think dating sites are great! I like the idea of learning a lot about a person before you even reach out to them. You can really narrow things down compared to the old way of meeting people in person and taking lots of time before knowing much about them. Dating sites save time…and probably lots of money too. But the time is the important thing. As we all know, time is the most precious commodity we have. If we can shorten the time to find love and companionship at our age, why not go for it?
It worked for me. Of the 10-12 people I dated, I ended up finding myself happy with the right person. Nearly seven years later we are still together. While not married by choice, I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever experienced. I’m happy, joyful, and forever appreciative of the person I found. It made we realize just how precious and special finding love can be!
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Don’t give up. Give love another chance. Risk putting yourself out there once again. Try online dating. It worked for me, just as it has for so many others. It can for you too!
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I’m a self-professed madman, adventurer, photographer, certified High-Performance Coach, martial artist, and licensed physical trainer specializing in senior fitness. My passion is to continue growing and developing into my own unique, gifted, and joyful authenticity, while committing myself towards doing my own special part to help change the world. My mission is to help others find their own direction and purpose in life, by means of mentoring, teaching, and empowering.